These words, spoken all too often, are some of what those suffering a miscarriage are likely to hear. They are painful, heart breaking words. I would like to shed some light on the areas of grief concerning miscarriages. Since miscarriage happens once in every four pregnancies we have either experienced it ourselves or we know of someone who has. First, a word to those suffering from a recent loss--I am so very sorry. I know full well the pain associated with loss, as my husband and I have lost six babies to miscarriage. I want you to know that the pain does ease, eventually. I also want you to know that it is okay to grieve!

Oftentimes we dismiss a miscarriage as "just a few cells that didn't develop right." No, that baby forming in its mother's womb was very real. In fact, the moment she learned that she was pregnant, she already held that baby in her arms! She envisioned that baby snuggled in her arms; saw the first smile; heard the first cry; counted the toes and fingers. The baby is real. Both Mom and Dad speak of the baby often and plan for its arrival. Dad already envisions the child playing ball and going to college . . . all this before the child is ever born! Grief is like a pendulum. We pull it back higher and higher with each expectation; the first article of clothing we buy, the names picked out, the due date, etc. Then, at the highest point, the baby suddenly dies and the pendulum is released. It does not fall back into the center, but must fully swing to the other side in equal measure. This swinging motion is like grief--and eventually it (like our emotions) stabilizes. The amount of grief experienced is directly related to the emotional investment we have placed on the person or object lost --in this case, the baby.