January 2006

Walking Through Grief Together

First, let me say that if you are reading this article because you have recently suffered a loss, I am truly sorry. I pray this article will help you on your road back to recovery and wholeness. Grief is a powerful thing. Yet, grief is not our enemy! It is a way the Lord has provided for us to heal. Grief is a normal, healthy, and necessary response to trauma, tragedy, or loss of any kind.

I am a grief and trauma resolution therapist and pastoral counselor. I hope that what I share with you here regularly will help you resolve spiritual, mental, emotional and behavioral difficulties stemming from unresolved grief, no matter how long ago the loss or trauma occurred. No loss is too insignificant to grieve in a healthy manner, or to heal.

If your life seems to be falling apart, and you cannot seem to "get it together," God may be calling you to rebuild and restore. We at Watered Gardens Ministry center can help. We are "able to comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (II Cor. 1:4). We have gone down the painfully rough road of grief and recovery, and are here to help you along in your own journey. We provide free grief counseling (donations welcome) as well as this weekly article in the Free Press.

Recovery from trauma is a journey that fosters the healing needed to grow, change, and resolve trauma and grief. Psychology can contribute to self-understanding, but only God can bring about true, lasting change. Unresolved grief can hinder one's walk with the Lord, and render one ineffective in ministry and witness. It can also lead to damaged relationships and emotional breakdown.

Change, recovery, and grief work is hard work but the rewards are great and eternal. Most people find relief in knowing that they aren't "crazy" or a "spiritual failure" after all, but merely recovering from trauma and hurts. When in counseling, the client no longer feels so isolated and alone in their journey to recover from these wounding events.

Grief and loss occur daily in each person's life. The significance of the loss is where the intensity of grief is triggered. Some situations that may produce grief:

  • ƒá Death
  • ƒá Broken relationships; domestic violence
  • ƒá Religious, spiritual, or ritual abuse
  • ƒá Relocation (home, job, church, etc)
  • ƒá Trauma experienced as child (incest, sexual abuse, parental alcoholism/dysfunction, violence, mental illness, etc.)
  • ƒá Abuse from authority figures
  • ƒá Sexual harassment, abuse, rape
  • ƒá Recovery from addictions of all kinds
  • ƒá Loss of position or identity/role
  • ƒá Accident, chronic/terminal illness, or change in body image
  • ƒá Infertility, miscarriage, infant or child death
  • ƒá Not having needs met (as child / adult)
  • ƒá Placing loved ones in nursing home/hospital
  • ƒá Failing test, failing to graduate or be promoted
  • ƒá Discovering dysfunctional behavior in self
  • ƒá Shattered dreams...


  • Apostle Paul said, "Do not mourn as those who has no hope," (I Thess. 4:13) but he did NOT say, "don't mourn!" Jesus said (Matt. 5:4) "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." You see, there is a good side to grief, even beyond the healthy response: it gives us an opportunity to be comforted...

    Watch this column for in the coming weeks I will be writing about all forms of grief, and practical ways to walk through your grief.

    Blessings of grace and peace to you
    In Christ's love,
    Pastor Kathryn van Rooyen, a friend and servant of Jesus Christ.




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